Seriously, folks...

What exactly does it mean that with daytime talk shows, I've made the transition from Oprah to Ellen? Oprah was once so moving, motivating, enchanting even. Now all her blah-blitt-blah blah sh*t makes me crazy. My best friend told me a long time ago she LOVED watching Ellen b/c she reminded her of me...minus the whole lesbian thing. But I gave Ellen a shot this week, and laughed my ass off! Can it be...that I'm regressing...from my thirst for Maya Angelou quotes, to senseless gibberish by a funny woman who can dance? Hmm...another one for the meditation...

My friend JJ and I...after slammin' back a few boilermakers... 

That's me again... 

I'm a genius

Ok, I figured out the picture thing (ergo...the ENORMOUS picture of me...still gotta figure out how to make that smaller...size does count...), and I'm so proud of my mediocre self. But now, I'm plagued with trying to figure out why, oh why, people continue to be a$$holes. I mean, just people in general. Seriously, if you sit back for a minute and just think...how many people come to your mind of someone who's a true ass? Like a real, genuine, card-carrying a$$hole? Try it...I'll wait...

Ok...how many people are on that list? For me, it's at least 7. That may not seem like a lot, but 7 is the number of a$$holes I know personally...so I'm not counting the a$$hole who cut me off on 787, or the a$$hole who took up 3 parking spaces for his Grand Pris, or the a$$hole who yelled at ME when he stepped in dog sh*t outside of my apartment building, when I'm standing there, HOLDING A BAG OF MY OWN DOG'S SH*T. No, no, no...I'm not counting them...otherwise the list would be WAY too exhausting.

But one of those 7 particularly stands out as a posterchild for a$$hole-dom...like the mayor of a$$hole city...the grand high exaulted mystic ruler of a$$holidness. You get the picture. And the question I have is...without sounding too much like a quote from Spaceballs...why do I surround myself with a$$holes? I used to think I was a pretty good judge of character...I could pin someone's deal down within 20 seconds of meeting them...it was like a sixth sense. I wonder if that kind of thing is something that diminishes with age...like eyesight and hearing and the latitude of your breasts...hm...good theory to check out.

Anyways, I'm going to go meditate on this for a while..."God? Buddah? Spongebob? Why am I drawn to a$$holes, and keeping them in my life? Get back to me on that would you?" I'll let you know what happens....

blog...blog....blog...

That's me! 

Why does everything have to be so complicated?

And I'm not talking like Avril Lavine complicated (altho, even tho she's like 12 and thinks she's compelling because she writes in her journal with a black eyeliner, her songs have valid points about how everyone is an @$$hole). I'm talking about the fact that while I'm a college grad and am very computer literate, I cannot figure out how to post a picture on this damn thing. Yes, I've downloaded the Hello software. But that's about where it stops. I've already sent an email to the "help" people, so we'll see where that gets us...and i don't want a million posted comments like "you're a retard, here's how you do it...". I'm a big girl...I'll figure it out. But what the hell ever happened to a simple "browse" and "upload" option?? Well, I guess...it is a material world, and I am a material girl. Guess I gotta get used to it. As I hope to start posting more soon, I'm more than well aware of the fact that life is indeed complicated, and the older I get, the more I see validity in the medication nation. Onward...

Just startin out...

Ok, so I did it too. I jumped on the bandwagon and created a blog. Now, a whie ago, someone told me what "blog" meant...there's some kind of acronym or something that the word "blog" comes from....to me, "blog" is right up there with my least favorite sounding words, like "moist" and "snot" and "rectal". Personally, my favorite sounding word has always been "butternut", but what does that say?
Anyways, I'll get around to posting some more idiotic and completely useless information, in my brother's words, to prove what a totally uninteresting person I am...but for now, lets all just relax together and hum the mantra as though we were in a contortionist-type yoga position..."blog"...."blog"..."blog"...